Elizabeth Diaries

Dear Diary, I have so many burdens in my heart to let off, but first I won't forget how I was treated by some people. The wound is so deep and still don't want to heal. The not so nice people. Beginning from my father to the unkind and mean people I unfortunately met. Many people are mean with beautiful faces. I could still recall how someone gave me a torn pant to wear. I was menstruating, she couldn't give me a pad. These same people now come to my house to eat, they smile and pretend to love me. Maybe my father, not me. I know they don't love me. People are really horrible I must say. They won't be kind to you but they would expect kindness from you. I can still remember how people choosed their home, family over me. They didn't let me spend a night in their home. Some treated me so badly, I had no choice but to leave. I had given up on people a longtime ago. I had to cry alone, wipe my tears alone and of course I had no choice than to survive alone and k

Dear Diary, Each passing day, I am grateful for having you in my life. You are such a sweetheart. Because of you, I have been able to prioritize my life and the people that really matters. Because of you, I treat myself well everyday. I love myself first before loving another. Because I can't give love when I don't even love myself. Now, I feed myself well before extending a hand to another. I don't deny myself kindness and good things. Each day, I eat fruits. I pray the rosary. I feel relieved. I feel afresh. I want to pamper myself now to make up for those days when people neglected me and never showed me love and kindness. I had promised that when times are good, I would love myself enough. More than enough. I have suffered enough in the hands of mean people. I begged for money, no one ever gave me. I cried to be loved but no one cared to listen. It is now time to love myself and be kind to me. The rest can go sort out their problems. People never cared for mine. Now

Dear Diary, I have so much to say, but first I would show gratitude to God for making me so patient. I have learnt that to achieve great things in life one needs to be patient. Favour is flowing so well. The white board marker got finished and I bought a new one. So, I teach Favour while living life one day at a time. Weekends are for self care. I need to make a new hair and get a body cream for myself since the old body cream finished. Since then, I haven't visited Sister. I won't go yet until she sends me a message. I wouldn't like to disturb her much. I am grateful to God and all good things. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, Many people don't understand that there are different ways of serving God. You can serve Him with a husband/wife or you can dedicate your whole life to Him. I am so tired of the criticism I hear and read on the net. Moreover, I am sad that I still can't convince my parents to get their consent. I don't want marriage. Marriage is a great institution but I won't go there. Today wasn't for Favour. I went for my catechism class today. The priest gave me a brief history of Catholic Church and lots more. I want my happiness. I deserve to be happy and I will do anything in my right to make myself happy. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, It's such a happy day and a day as this, it pleases me to write you. Favour was happy today as I showed him how to draw. He loves drawing, playing and viewing colourful pictures. Day after day, I leave home to go teach him. He is used to everything now. The home lesson and the two hours classes. I taught him how to read and how to write. I sing rhymes and poems to him. He loves poem too. This doesn't change the fact that he is naughty too and sometimes restless. But I so love him for being a great storyteller. He tells stories and ask lots of questions too. Did I tell you I met Sister today? I met Sister today and she introduced me to a parish priest. I would be starting my catechism classes soon, so I convert fully. This is a great time to be alive. I pray everything goes well as God wishes. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, It's been a long time since I came here. I am so sorry if I took too long a time to come. I am grateful for this day and for every good things. Favour is fine and coping well with learning. I couldn't make it to see Sister because of how busy I was. I am planning of seeing her tomorrow. This time, I hope I don't fail. I have learned to accept each day as the come. Do you know that now, people no longer work, they stay at home and gossip, especially women. These women gossip and sometimes I wonder what they derive from gossiping. They bring down another woman and make her feel useless. This is why I hardly attach myself to anyone or people. Life sometimes is unfair, people makes it worst by being mean. I don't trust anyone. The heart of man is where everything mean, evil, wicked, dangerous lives. So, I keep to myself. I am bigger than gossips or gossiping anyone. I am too big for that. Meanwhile, it has been a good day. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

I am grateful today that I am alive and for every good thing. I am grateful for the peace I have now. It is a priceless one. As usual, I woke up today doing all my house chores before going to teach Favour. And truly, he is learning so fast. I am grateful for having him around. He has really taught me how to be patient. Daily I learn and unlearn some old stuff. I am alone and I love being alone. No troubles, no gossip, no disturbance. I truly love my peace but it's been a week I visited Sister. Maybe I will go see her tomorrow. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, I have searched the whole house for my finger rosary and I can't find it. I am only left with the chaplet. Next week, I will get a new one. I want to wear it anywhere I go on my marriage finger. I will wear it till the time I get married or move to the Convent. I love the finger rosary and I prefer the silver. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, I am grateful for this day though I don't really have much to say. But what stresses me is the crying feminism I read often on Facebook. Women don't want to stand up for themselves. They put blames on everyone including men and the society. I am allergic to these women because they only put blames. They don't take actions for their lives. Rather than leaving their abusive marriage and relationship to gain their peace and freedom, they choose to stay and put blames on men. Like I do always say, marriage is not by force. If you choose to stay in scums, don't cry over spill milk. You laid your bed. The best way to move on from an abuse and a bad marriage is to leave. I don't care if there is children. If love had gone sour and times no longer favours anyone then it is best to leave. The reason any woman should be financially independent, stable, have a steady source of income and not depend on any man. It is easier to leave when you have money. So today

Dear Diary, After the class with Favour, he put on the television, scrolled through and went to watch his favourite cartoons. I asked him why he loves cartoons so much and he told me Cartoon teaches lesson. I was so shocked that he knew this. Children of this generation are so smart. When I was like him, I was caged. I wasn't allowed to watch the television. Favour has freedom. Then, I was not free. I was made to study and read books all day long. I noticed something, something important. Children love fun, break time and play. Children should be given freedom as well as boundaries. Elizabeth diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, I am grateful for this day. My heart is full of joy and peace flows like a river in my heart. I woke up, prayed, washed dishes, bath and ate. As usual, I taught Favour today. I spent two hours with him. He is cool and catching up with learning. I spend some of my time working online too. I thought of deleting my Facebook account, but again, I gave it a second thought. I took some time off Facebook because of how toxic it became then. I went back and everyone missed me. They said, they missed my presence and my writings. I was encouraged because I have never gotten that massive love before online. So, I no longer delete my Facebook account. I now work there. I turned my account into a brand that deals on writing, storytelling, teaching and coaching, volunteering and social services. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, I woke up so early today, washing the dishes, sweeping the floors and doing all the house chores. It is quite refreshing to do work in the early hours of the morning. As usual, I was with Favour. He is picking up so fast. I read aloud to him and he could read too. I sang songs and poems to him. He really loves poems. He has a short attention span. He gets distracted easily and I can't help but condition him to stay. He loves watching cartoons. I mean, he could miss taking his meals to watching cartoons. He loves pictures, seeing real object and demonstrating in class. Favour has really taught me patience. Then, I couldn't take shit but now, I am taking all the shit in the world. Children needs time and patience to grow. I love teaching. I love going so low to the level of a child. Smiling and having a good time with him makes me happy. I love the fact that he can really express himself and he is not caged. He says what hurts him, what angers him and he expresses

Dear Diary, Today is such a beautiful day. It rained, but at a point, the rain stopped. Favour is doing well. He is learning so fast, but oftentimes, he act naughty. He loves play and going out of class to urinate often just as he likes drinking water often too. Through this, I have learnt to tolerate children and to treat them as myself. I am more patient and less judging and shouting. I am calm now. I took up this job for a reason. To learn as well. To work freely with children and to be able to put a smile on any child's face. So far, I have learned enough through Favour and others that come my way. There are certain things we learn late. As we grow old, we learn and unlearn some things. I learned the act of working with people. Being good, behaving and having good manners. Kissing asses and giving a fuck. Why? Because, someday we will need people to survive, to live and to grow. People skills is what everyone should learn. Take advantage of people's strength and weaknes

Dear Diary, I love art. I do art and creativity for fun. I make hair for free. I write as a hobby. During one those depressing times, I turn to art for solace. I love poems. Especially when it is calm, has rhymes and melodies. Everything is creativity and art. So, I am creative with the little things I have. And I do it consistently. I use my hands and skills to create something. I love what I do and do it with all my heart. Art has helped me through the journey of life. It has made me accept my flaws and weakness with both hands. Part of being raised badly was wanting perfection in people. I expected so much from people, I wanted them to be perfect all the time. But what can I do, since all we do is being human. Humans have lots of flaws, weakness, strength, doubt, fears and lot more. Now, my expectancy is low. I expect little from people to avoid disappointment. And if someone says he or she will help me, I would keep my emotions till the end, so I know if I am to be happy or sad

Dear Diary, Everyday I am grateful. My heart is full of joy. I have seen great changes in my family ever since I changed my belief from my father's church to my church, the Catholic Church. I am not a Catholic family. My father and my mother was not raised in the Catholic Church. I chose the Catholic Church because I had loved everything they do. I schooled in Catholic schools. I choosed my path. So, when I told my parents, I wanted to be a Nun, they never accepted it, but I stood my grounds. My father would always remind me of how selfish I was right from my childhood. He also remind me the school he had trained me, he makes lots of complaint. He makes parenting seem like a burden, a difficult burden. I learnt a long time ago to stop pleasing people and seek my happiness and peace first. I go for what I want and take responsibility for the decisions I have made so far. Any path I chose to take, I will make sure I choose it, it is my choice and no one else can choose for me. I

Dear Diary, Today was that kind of the day where you go to bed, sleep and snore till day break around 7:00am. I am so tired. This morning, I had to struggle between going to teach Favour in his home and visiting the Convent. I was fortunate enough to merge the two together, doing two things one day. I first went to the Convent, my chance of teaching Favour today was low. After spending few hours with Sister, I went to Favour's home to carry out my obligations which I am paid for. At the Convent, one Nun makes me happy and the fact that she always smile, she is friendly and social makes me love her. I love seeing happy Nuns, not the sad and bitter ones. I love seeing a cheerful person who loves his or her work and not inflict another with pains and suffering. Or wanting to be superior while making another inferior. I love Nuns that have love, good character, and treats everyone equally. When I was done with teaching Favour, I devoted my time to cooking. Today is gone and has a g

Dear Diary, I had known earlier that there are two ways to life; putting blames on someone or people all your life and taking responsibility for your life and the decisions you make. My mother once advised me never to date a married man or be a second wife. She said dating a married man was like dating a priest, he will never leave his God, his church for a girl. You will always be a second choice and remains a second choice. You will be hidden and not be shown to the public. So, I stood by her advise. The few love I had were not married. Single to the core. Married men approached me countless times. I always do trick them and ran for my dear life. I just didn't want to be another woman's prayer point. I didn't want to be the reason children are not happy in their homes. I had conscience. I feared God. I didn't want to cause pains, misery and tears for another woman. The last thing I will do is getting laid by a married man. I don't hate or dislike them. I just

Dear Diary, If someone had told me years ago that I would be happy. I would have said it is a scam. I am happy. I am feeling good. Not because of money or anything. I am just happy. I am happy being contented. I am satisfied with Jesus everyday. He alone is the source of my happiness. Sometimes, I begin to sing joyful songs without knowing. It flows from my heart. I sing one song at a time. I dance to the glory of God. I don't teach Favour on weekends. Weekends are for me and self-care. I would be seeing him again on Monday. Today wasn't one of those okay days, it was an excellent day. I washed, cleaned and cooked. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, Do you know the lyrics of ‘It pays to serve Jesus.'?  I so much love that hymn. It moves me, my every being. I know it is hard, but I am going to try. I don't know how to begin, I am scared, but still, I will try. I want to surrender everything to God. My knowledge, intelligence, wisdom, family, material possessions will be nothing without God. I am nothing without God. May I not forget that I needed God desperately in my dark days. I saw a saviour. He saved me. When I was restless, he gave me peace that flows like a river in my heart. I had vowed that when times are good, I will serve Him with all my life. I had vowed to give Him my whole life. I asked for love and I found it in Him. He gave me that fatherly love. He had comforted me and made all my dreams come through. I don't know how to pay Him back. I will give Him all my love and life. I love that man called Jesus and his father, God. I will loose everything to Him and not look back. He has given me

Dear Diary, I am always grateful I never got married early. Where would I have learnt all these if at my age, I had gotten six children already and struggling with a grown arse man. Favour got terribly annoyed when his mother scold him. He doesn't like being disrespected or his mother talking to him anyhow. He loves to be respected. Today, he showed me his true colours. I had to pet him and let him relax so we could carry on the teaching and learning. He never forgets things. Especially when I told him I will bring a red pen to class today. I forgot, he never forgot that. Sometimes, he acts so naughty. He talks so much and never forgets anything I tell him. About the baby butterfly, caterpillar, he couldn't find it in his toy. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, I didn't see the wonders of my life until Favour did something. This boy is so smart. He picked up a caterpillar, placed it carefully inside his toy and fed it with a green leaf. He said, he wants the caterpillar to grow big into a butterfly. He was rearing a caterpillar. I wouldn't do that even. I just hope the tiny creature doesn't suffocate inside his toy. After a long tiring day, I was here to say HELLO. Live one day at a time Dear. It's been no day to reach, we only live once but while we live, let's take life one day at a time. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, I am so grateful for today. Today's class was interesting. After the class, I gave Favour some homework to do. He is picking up so fast, though he has forgotten most things. I just keep refreshing his memory again. He writes so slow, but he is really a fast learner. Do you know I told some girls that men too are raped? They all laughed at me. It seems hilarious, because we women are always on the receiving end. Some men face abuse daily in their homes. They don't speak up. They just be a man and bottle everything up. Abuse is not gender based. Anyone could be abused; man or woman. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, A home is not a house or some sort of building. What makes up a home is the happy people in it. Not some forced love or pretense. I want my children to grow in a loving home. I will give them the privilege of seeing a happy marriage but if they can't see one, I will make sure they don't get to see a bad one filled with bitterness, sadness, frustrations, burdens, suffering and misery. If they can't see a good marriage, I won't let them see a bad one in my life. And sorry, I am not patient enough. I don't follow the rules of the society or what people care to say. People don't care if you die in some sort of bullshit marriage. I will live life and let society follow me. My happiness and peace of mind is the ultimate. I should know when to cut the line when things aren't working anymore. I should know when to put a full stop to toxicity. I should be aware to walk out early when times and love no longer favours me. I don't want my children to

Dear Diary, I love those tiny humans with fragile and succulent hands and legs. I like them healthy with fleshy cheeks. Today I met a big tiny human. He is called Favour. Five years old with an innocent and inquisitive mind. He ask a lot of questions. He talks so well. He can express himself freely. I just had to think a little bit to give him better responses. I was planning of taking two hours, I ended up teaching him for one and a half hour. I taught him sounds, letters of the English Language alphabet. He has a short attention span. He loves work and acting busy, he even wanted to help me clean the white board. He loves play, toys and cartoon. So, after the class, I let him go watch cartoons and play. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, Is growing a thick skin okay? Well it is, but paying attention to critics is what we should do once in a while. You won't get to hear the truth from your friends, you hear the truth from your enemies. And sometimes, it is so raw, bitter truth that one can hardly swallow. Criticism shows us our mistakes. Without it we can't learn lessons. You would always dream of having the perfect everything. When nothing was perfect right from the beginning. I have a thick skin, I let people say what they wish. I correct the ones I can and move on. It is one thing to criticize, it is another thing knowing the manner in which you criticize. Most critic can make anyone run into depression and sadness. Hence, me wearing a thick skin. I do learn lessons but I don't allow it makes me feel bad about myself and my personality. I love myself and each day, I try to be my true, real self. The best version of me, accepting all my flaws without shame and feeling proud of it. That'

Dear Diary, I am happy to write to you today. Everything is settled. The light and the water problem is settled now. Yesterday, light came and I pumped water into the water tank. There is enough now to use and to spend. In here, I discovered nothing is ever easy. Even the simplest thing is tough too. People grow, people change, things go wrong, things fall apart, things fall back, people cry, people get happy, friends break up, some take some time to go build their family. Change is the only constant thing, you can't blame anyone for it. You can't blame anyone for the decisions and actions you took, you take responsibility for it consequences because everyone has a price to pay. Oftentimes it looks like we are not making progress, but day after day, we grow without noticing our growth. We let go off all the bruises and love again. And when we are tired, we go back home to take our rest. Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

Dear Diary, The greatest joy will be seeing my baby girl. Holding her closer to me, cuddling her and letting her suck breast as much as she can. If the baby is a boy, then he sucks same too. I overheard mothers saying baby boys suck breast more. I will put all my babies on exclusive and have a great bond with them. I love babies and now, I wished I had one. I loved seeing women breastfeeding their babies in public. Most times, I would stare and not blink. I admired the innocent eyes of the baby, how they looked so precious staring at mummy's face. I admire the shape of their mouth while sucking the breast. How they feel so free and relax is wonderful to behold. I love every moment of a nursing mother. Then the baby finally grows big into something awesome. Knowing his left and right. I won't want to be that mother or parents that hides things from children. Love can't grow in secrecy. No one can grow in it, especially in an emotionally neglected home. The pains and woun

Dear Diary, I promise, I will always go to where I feel most alive. I will always treasure beautiful times and moment. Last week, Reverend Sister messaged me telling me to come to the Convent, I don't think I want the Convent anymore. I want love now. I won't be okay if I live all my life with God and I don't get love. I love myself but I still want a man to love me. I am tired of admiring and loving men who never loved me back or wanted something from me. I want a man that will love me genuinely now even if it is for a day. I want to experience a man's love. I want to be in the arms of a man. I want to be admired by someone. I want to be cared for and given those love I never had. I want a man. A real man, not a fake one or those who claim to be. Thinking of life in the Convent and how I would be coping worries me a lot. Sometimes I wish to serve God with all my life and other times, I want a man. I want to experience being loved by a man even if it is for a moment

Dear Diary, Being happy is an understatement, I am more than joyful. I am happy to see the half quarter of 2020. My family is happy and complete. I woke up this morning with a sound mind though water got finished and there is still no light for me to pump water into the tank. I can't on the generator, so I have to wait a little. This is my only problem now, getting water to do some stuff. It's really stressful over here especially fetching water or getting to buy it. After this, I will be praying before preparing meals for breakfast, then for lunch. I love food, my family loves food so I have to cook all the time so they don't feel hungry. They love eating fruits too, so I get it for everyone. All kinds of fruits. They eat it raw or I make smoothie with it. I like the idea of buying food in bulk and storing it up in a store house. It saves money and time. Especially during this time of lack. It is really good to save and buy food in bulk for consumption. Staying at home