WHY I GAVE UP ON DATING

It's okay every girl gets a boyfriend, right? Yes, but I gave up on dating a long time ago. Guys didn't see me attractive enough so I gave up. This made me hate myself. Some years ago I was body shamed. I was called skinny and felt so worthless of being loved. I wanted love desperately. Everyone needs love in his or her life. I wanted sex too. I wanted someone who could admire and touch my body but all the guys I ever met made me feel worthless about myself. There, I gave up on dating. The dating I had then wasn't serious. I was unlucky to meet guys who were after the looks of a girl rather than the love. No guy loved me the way I wanted and I hated myself until I made peace with myself and loved myself. Now, I am my first love. Any other love comes second or last. I take myself out, I eat what I want, I buy the things I want. I buy my body cream. I treat myself. I don't wait for a boyfriend to do all that for me. And some people say that's so selfish of me. I rather be selfish loving myself than dying on a hospital bed waiting for someone to come love me. I discovered that the one thing I can do to save myself in a chaos and insane world is to love myself deeply. 

I gave up on dating and lived a free life not depending on any relationship. Though I sometimes wish to have sex. But without sex, everything is cool. I am relieved of going to a man's house weekly to cook and prepare meals. I cook my meals, I have nothing to worry about. I have just set aside some years to caring for myself, loving myself, building and developing myself. You know, I am tired of this issue where a woman only get from a man without having a source of income. My mother never had one. I must have one. There is so much pains and trauma in being broke, jobless and in an abusive marriage or relationship. That emotional trauma can result to death, so I don't want that for my life. That's why I wish to build my life before anyone serious comes in.