BE INTENTIONAL

 I say this again and again. Be intentional about anything you want in life. Be intentional about your journey, your dreams, your wants and your healing. Along my healing journey, I discovered the power of intentions. Say what you want and stick to it. Do what you want to do and stick to it. Be consistent at it. Choose what makes you happy and that which fulfills you. Don't chose anything for yourself because a friend said so, your parents said so or everyone said so. Do things with intention. Have a purpose and the reason you do the things you do. Focus! Always focus. There are a whole lot of distractions out there that can make you stumble if you are not focused. Be intentional about your healing. Personally, I had to say no to dating and marriage until I healed completely. I don't want to repeat the mistakes I saw my mother or any other woman did. I want peace and calmness. This is why I take my education seriously and dedicate years to building up myself. I can't imagine waking up to someone and making complaints, then I am told my problems are so much, I can't handle it anymore. I need some time to sort out my life and my problems so I won't transfer my brokenness unto someone or they transfer theirs to me. So I am intentional and set my priorities right. I wouldn't want to dedicate my life to someone then at 40, I realized how broken and damaged I have become and even left with nothing. The emotional trauma is so hard to heal or to forgive oneself. 

Life is not a bed of roses, but certainly it is what you make of it. How you make your bed, so you lay on it. Each time I reflect on my life, even at the age where I am now, I feel satisfied being single. I don't know what I would have turned out to be if I committed my life to someone at 19, 20, 21 and 23. I feel such relationship would have been terribly horrible because at those ages, I didn't grow up yet. I was still confused and undiscovered. Now at my current age, I have known a lot of things I never knew at 19, 20, 21 and 23. Now, I am healing. At 23, I was a naive little girl. I remember reading so hard so I could pass all my examinations and I could go for NYSC same year with my colleagues. As the years go by, I grow in knowledge and experiences.

While making intentions, don't rush. Be patient with yourself. Rushing over things you aren't certain about brings confusion and chaos. You will spend most of the time and years with yourself, so ensure you go for things you really love. Friends will get a family and move on. Family members will get their children and move on. Trust me, you will spend most of the good times and bad times with yourself. So you make good choices and decisions. A little moment of my life when I had problems and felt so stuck in it, I was devastated. To the fact that I had people around, but they never understood me or anything I was going through. I had to struggle on my own. And of course many coached and guided me, but it wasn't enough. So there I was, all alone with my problems. I faced my problems myself. Nobody could fix it for me. I fixed it myself. So instead of crying, yelling, blaming and calling names, I decided to love myself the best way I could and also share the love with others. I put myself first this time. 

Over the years I have learnt that you must be intentional with yourself hence you face the consequences and nobody pulls you out of it. And you are responsible for the decisions you have made. No putting blames on others or calling them names. Discover yourself, build yourself, set your goals right. No one will do that for you. Only you will. And when you fail to do that, it becomes a problem to you and others around you.

If I should write a letter to my younger self, I would say be patient. Everything you worry about will be okay. As a child, I worried so much. I worried about abuse, about my mother and father's relationship, I worried about school, I worried about failing a class or an examination. I was in constant worries about my future, about myself. But the worries never changed anything neither did it stop bad things or abuse from happening. So instead of worry, I will tell my younger self to plant a tree or get a hobby and grow with it. Stop worrying about your abusive home or your parents' relationship. It is up to them to settle for themselves. Don't engage, remove your mind from their relationship and focus on yourself. Focus on your healing. Let go of anything you can't change. There are many things you can't change no matter how bitter you are, sad, frustrated and angry. One of it is the past. You can't change the past. But you can make sure you don't repeat a mistake again. You can make your time good and beautiful. It all depends on you. Your future is in your hands, if you let people live it for you, they damage all you have got. Live, explore, love, experience, build, develop, overcome, survive, don't be a victim or a poor dependant, travel, work, love yourself. Never again should you believe that you can't make it out of life without marriage or a narcissist or someone who feels the world revolves around them. It's childish to shine alone. Educate, inform, help, impact and change lives. 

And, love yourself. 

Elizabeth Diaries ❤️