Some days, I breathe

An almond fruit. 
  Dear Diary,

   4th, January 2020

  11:10am, Nigerian Time











Today, I woke up like every other day and went to Mass. Yesterday, while going through some blog, I read a story of a girl who is under the bondages of her overprotective father and I thought of myself as well. I thought of the slavery and bondages I went through, surviving all these trauma, migraine, stomach upset, anxiety and panic attacks and I realized that parents who don't care about the emotional well-being of their children are indeed wicked. I thought the problem was always about me until I grew up and I discovered my father was the major problem we had at home. His domineering and colonial tendencies. Seeing himself as the Messiah of everyone. Even till this point, those childhood experiences still haunt me. The first time I spoke up, I got to hear things like;

“ The internet never forgets."

“ You will be applying for jobs, who will employ you. Which organization will want to give you a job?"

“ Take the post and the statement down."

“ You are an ingrate."

And they even go deeper to saying

“ You are such a shame."

These statements keep people stuck in pains and in so much emotional babbage they can't say or they are scared or not courageous enough to write about it. Many see abuse as a normal thing. Even while praying and meditating five times a day, they still see it as a way of life to abuse people who have nothing to offer them. And the true attitude of man is seen in how he treats people who have nothing to offer. Abuse damages, abuse ruin. I have not seen anyone who have been abused be normal. The trauma, the scars last a lifetime. And it pains me as I can't go back to the past to change memories. But, I can change the future by treating myself better, embracing myself with patience, love, empathy and compassion. Healing takes time. I hope someday, this pain, this bitterness, this memories goes away. I won't say I had it all bad. There were good times too, but the bad moment overwhelmed the good moments.

Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

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