A much deeper wound


Dear Diary,

3rd, January 2020

10:20pm, Nigerian Time

I am so sorry for disturbing you so much but I have to be so honest here. Today, I felt a heavy breakdown because of terrible childhood memories and I want to say that marriage pisses me off. When I saw my mother struggling through it all and sometimes with tears, quarrels and fight, I hated the whole idea of marriage, of paying dowry and having to spend the rest of life with one particular being who might be extremely toxic and abusive. I attend weddings and respect people who go into the union. My grief, anger, sadness, moodiness is truly personal. I didn't admire the idea of having to depend on a father all my life and having him treat us like shit. Those experiences are terrible experiences I wouldn't wish anyone. So, I can accept friendship and dates, but going into a union with a man is what I will never do.

As a child I never loved marriage. I never enjoyed what I saw then. It was horrible and heartbreaking. Not now nor ever.

Elizabeth Diaries ❤️

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