Elizabeth Diaries

Dear Diary

I want to tell you a story of a girl who had everything, except love.

I had known that love was beautiful. But, only a few had it. Those who were raised in love were true love and they alone knew what love was. Born in tropical West Africa, Nigeria. A daughter of strict and religious parents. Not just strict, more than the word strict. I grew up feeling unloved, rejected and abused. I was never my mother's favorite. The more I tried loving her, the more she hated me most. She criticised, judged so much. This attitude of hers made me feel so empty. Even when I was given everything, I had felt empty. I was emotionally, physically and financially abused. I never had parental love. The only thing they could remind me of every morning was that I was been fed by them, I was been sheltered and clothed by them. My father oftentimes yelled at me like I was an enemy. He never loved us, so I was struggling with two issues. Abuse from my father and hate from my mother. They never appreciated the good things I did. My father really made me feel horrible too. A sadist, an abuser. I don't know what to call him anymore, but my father was the opposite of love and everyday I hated that he was my blood father. He forced us to do everything. He treated us like some form of animals who deserved no respect. He never respected anyone. So I grew up with lots of suppressed emotions and bitterness. I couldn't love anyone. I couldn't sustain any relationship. I did hide my feelings and couldn't express myself. Home was a cage. I hated such experiences. I love my parents, but I disliked their parenting style. A lot of times I was struggling with my childhood problems, I bleed and cried a lot. I was never an animal, I hated being treated as such. I couldn't bond with them. Everything was difficult to deal with living with them. I had everything but I was never happy. Some days I had wished to be an orphan so I could be free from their terrible hands. I thank God for calming every storm and healing the broken pieces of my heart. I want to give love a second chance. This time, not the kind of my parent's love. They were just parents, they were never a friend, they never loved me. The greatest love I had and embraced was love's God and me loving myself.

Elizabeth Diaries ❤️